I want to have your abortion
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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