Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
