You don't have asthma, your pregnant
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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