Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
