Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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