I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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