end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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