I could have mohawked her pubes.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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