Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
