Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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