Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
