I cannot find my penis.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
