u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
