I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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