Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well I just put wine in my tea
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I need a beard to bite.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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