She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize