What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
