This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
