Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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