Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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