NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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