May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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