We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
