Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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