Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
one might say we're banned from that church
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize