I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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