So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
