if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
