I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
