Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
