when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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