His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
