I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
