I need help removing her.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
