And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
