Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
