Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
