You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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