I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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