I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
