Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
