omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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