Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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