And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
