If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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