come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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