I wish I could teleport
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
