That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We are all done wearing pants today
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
