So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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