Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
