dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
