Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
