I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
