for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I checked into jail on foursquare
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
