at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
