I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
