dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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