Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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