guys are not supposed to queef...right?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
