So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
