What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
