You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
