I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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