shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize