I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
