you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
