Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
