the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
