think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
