they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
