I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
