wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
