where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
