Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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