We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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