I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize