Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
