I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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