You can't special order awesome
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize