My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
