I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
