can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
