made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
