im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize