She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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