That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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