took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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