dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
