My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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