I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
